Happy New Year 2021 - Reflection on 2020
2020 was not so much as of a struggle and strenuous for Scott and I (mentally we did get to points of frustrations and feelings of helplessness - also got stir crazy a bunch), and we are extremely grateful for that, as we know that that was not the case for many people all over the world. The time in lockdown forced us to reevaluate our priorities and how we were spending our time (when not affected by the pandemic). I can recall so clearly how it felt like we were pursuing everything we wanted and being on top of the world just finishing up our trip to Japan the previous year and heading into the 2020 with a huge celebration and so much hope for what we’d be achieving for our personal, financial and career goals.
TRAVEL
Although we managed to squeeze in a couple small trips at the beginning of the new year, we had booked a trip to Sydney, Australia which turned into cancelling two weeks prior to the departure date due to Australia imposing a mandatory 14-day quarantine (which was longer than our entire trip). We quickly realized that plans and events as we knew it would just be halted. For my day job which was heavily involved with corporate event/trade show planning and execution, the first 2-3 months of shelter-in-place was dealing with the fall out of of each event either cancelling and postponing, or after several attempts of rescheduling, then turning into a virtual event. Although it was alot of ups and downs, the situation made me adapt quickly to changing conditions. And accepting that all the months of putting work into executing a show would just need to go out the door and I would need to pivot quickly to keep up. But also take on other responsibilities that I may not have been able to give attention to due to show/event planning.
LOCKDOWN/WFH
I thankfully could work from home for almost the entire year (with a few days here and there of coming into the office), but I really poured a lot of time and energy into my work (which did lead to burnout) whilst saving money since Scott and I weren’t really going anywhere/eating out for the first few months of lockdown. We were forced to slow down, and quickly became aware of how much we had taken for granted the little things in life. For me it was things like:
Scarcity of common grocery and household goods due to hoarding (the sheer excitement and relief I experienced when I was able to find ground beef after months of it being sold out was something I didn’t think I’d feel over grocery items)
The importance of face-to-face human interaction. I’ve grown into someone that doesn’t see friends and extended family in-person often, but being forced to not see everyone all together made me realize how I mentally need to have some kind of human interaction to feel balanced
I really have everything I need to survive - I don’t need more stuff
Nature - just the warmth of the sun, or the crisp bite of after-rain air, being in nature has proven to be quite healing and soothing during this time. It needs to be a daily part of my life to just get out of the house for fresh air
ADJUSTING + BLM
I have to say from the time being cooped up inside, I feel like I had developed sensory issues which may have coupled with a decline in muscle memory from doing daily tasks like driving. And in the midst of all that was the resurgence of the Black Lives Matter movement as our country grappled with wave after wave of COVID-19 surges. I transitioned my social media platforms to speak more to racial injustices and uplift and share BIPOC voices. I had joined an antiracist book club over the summer, and gained insight on how the “system” was created and is meant to keep Black and marginalized people down. I also learned a lot about myself as a child of Vietnamese immigrant parents, being raised in America and contributing to the constructs of a “model minority” which upheld a white supremacist system. I went through feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. I also did much unpacking of racism that I myself had experienced growing up and as an adult, as well as digesting the onslaught of racially fueled hate-crimes against Asians. And also working through all of this with my husband, who is white and hails from a country that is notorious for being colonizers. But through it all, it was very clear that there has always been discrimination against marginalized people, they never had a fair playing field, and our history books are not accurate depictions of historical events. Although the country was founded upon the ideals of freedom, the government and policies put in place did not allow for ALL Americans to be“free”. This is apparent in how local policies continually keep minorities zoned off in certain neighborhoods/areas, discrimination in the workplace or everyday life, how police treat people of color, and so on. Although there have been countless reforms and policy changes, civil rights movements and the like; in the end, we as a country and those who embody the white supremacist views (in which they think those beliefs are what it means to be a true American Patriot) still remain and are thriving today. The recent storming of the U.S. Capitol proves the point of how alive and well these groups of people are (and they are flaunting TRUMP flags, swastikas and other words and symbols of hate), there was a blatant display of a domestic terrorism, but at least the people involved are now being held accountable.
WHITE SUPREMACY
But I digress on my reflection of 2020 - the year was incredibly eye-opening for me. And a main struggle was coming to the stark realization that although people (whether family, friends or acquaintances) may be nice, loving and caring; the fact that they could support a President that is clearly not fit to lead a country and continues to support and create inequalities for the people of America was very appalling and is the opposite of nice, loving or caring when it affects people that matter to me. I saw a lot of social content and tweets preaching that there can be a difference in opinion, in the end it’s only politics so why end relationships with people or have the negative feelings towards people that we have such a long history with. Well it’s simple, I know that if I fell into any of the categories or situations in which the current President and his administration are taking rights away from or is making it unequal for me compared to my white counterparts - then that’s…not…o…k, and I can’t associate myself with people that would do harm to me or anyone else I know. White people love to yell from the mountaintops about how great, and free America is - this year proved it to be quite the opposite, especially with the country’s response to the virus. Whether it was LGBTQIA rights, women’s rights or civil rights, to lean into someone that is against allowing people true freedoms, meant that these people wanted to stay comfortable and maintain a society of white superiority and supremacy.
2020 ELECTIONS
I recall the 2016 elections and how excited I was that I was voting for the first time, and no, I obviously did not vote for Trump. And during that election year I was 28 years old. I had gone 7 years without have any sort of interest in exercising my right to vote. I didn’t even have a clue that I was able to weigh in on local elections. For the 2020 elections, I made a huge effort to understand the voting process, all of the propositions and candidates. In the past, I had that saying in the back of my mind of “my vote won’t really matter”, but this past year and going into this year with Georgia’s runoff elections, showed that when people can and are able to show up - they will. There was also a major revealing of how voter suppression has been running rampant for years - and I’m at ease and pleased to know that there were leaders in battleground states championing the efforts to ensure people got registered to vote and could successfully cast their vote. I definitely am much more invested in making sure I exercise my right to vote and contribute as a citizen - because it does make a difference and I want to be an active member in my community and country.
SOCIAL MEDIA
I’m still trying to find the courage to just unfollow (on IG) all of the people that I just can’t support, but because I have some sort of connection, it makes it more difficult for me (like I’m going to be judged by them the next time I see them in person, but let’s be real, I’m probably not going to be seeing any of these people ever again). I can’t have that energy in my life - I noticed that once I started diversifying my feed with BIPOC content and voices, and following people and accounts that I would genuinely be interested in/learning from, I felt more comfortable, and also I felt this surge of creative flow and inspiration. There was always something so pretentious and superficial having a feed full of white bloggers or influencers, and honestly it all looked the same! There are many POC bloggers playing the same game of that perfect suburban life achieved by white women, with their constant new outfits and linking to a commission site. I used to take “white-washed” comments as a compliment, and it also kept me from wanting to really embrace my roots and Vietnamese heritage. I actually looked down upon where I came from and my culture. Now I fully embrace and celebrate who I am, and I’m not trying to be “white”. This isn’t to say I don’t like white people (I’m married to a white man), but I’m definitely more selective with who I foster meaningful relationships with from here on out.
And to the point of the influencer/blogger world above of continually sharing new things, how wasteful! I’m not only committed to my antiracism work, but also in sustainability and trying to reduce waste. That means normalizing re-wearing clothing, purchasing from eco-concious companies, and trying to get my hands on items that are biodegradable or re-fillable. From my newer low waste journey, I also learned about the exploited workers in the fast fashion industry (if I’m being honest, I knew this issue existed, but this past year I really cared and wanted to know more); and speaking of exploited workers, the fact that we had so many immigrant farm workers out in the field and not receiving the benefits and pay given the extreme circumstances of the pandemic, fires, etc - that’s a whole other can of worms. So as you can see, it’s one matter after the other, and it can feel endless. I had so many moments where I felt entirely helpless, like I wanted to be able to make an impact and help everyone, but with the amount of information and misinformation, trying to digest that and balance with regular life and work responsibilities, I got overloaded and reaaaally burnt out. To the point where it was affecting my health, so I was forced to take long breaks.
2021 - things aren’t going to magically disappear because it’s a new year. I’m feeling much more re-energized and rejuvenated, like I can tackle the things and social issues that I wanted to last year but did not have the physical/mental capacity to do so. I’ll continue to share the organizations that I’m following and my antiracism work and how I’m making environmental changes with sustainable swaps, along with my sprinkling of fashion, beauty and skincare (with some occasional travel throwbacks) here. You are welcome along for the ride, and if anything you read resulted in you immediately getting defensive, I urge you to look into white fragility (I too suffered from this due to my upbringing in this society and trying to fit into the mold of “whiteness”), but a big step is awareness! And I’m always here to have civil conversations and engage with those that are genuine and truly want to learn and grow from one another.