Today, Wednesday January 20th, marks my 1-year anniversary with my boyfriend Scott. I usually don't divulge much about my personal life, and will mention Scott here and there in various posts, but I thought it would be nice to dedicate a post to my significant other and highlight 5 relationship values that are important to me and keep the relationship healthy and balanced (most of the time).
BACKGROUND
I had actually come out of a very long-term relationship prior to dating Scott, and it made me realize not only how much more I deserved out of a relationship but also my self-worth. As a couple, we expected different things from each other and from life and what we wanted for ourselves personally and professionally; we had conflicting beliefs, and at most times it didn't feel as if we were partners. We ended up resenting each other. At times, I felt trapped, and many had mentioned that they felt I was being held back, and not living up to my potential and doing the things that I wanted to do for myself. Of course, I rationalized why I should stay in the relationship; the memories, that I loved him, how can I start over; but push comes to shove, hence why we are no longer in a relationship. Although the relationship didn't end on a great note, I ended up learning a significant amount about myself; and what I wanted and
didn't want from a relationship.
5 RELATIONSHIP VALUES
- Respect: I think this is a vital, underlying factor for our relationship; Scott and I respecting each other provides support as well as a sense of partnership between us. I have never once felt threatened or demeaned by Scott. It is not okay
for anyone boyfriend or not to talk down to you or belittle you. We are equals, we don't ever feel as if we are in competition with each other (unless we're playing a board game); making us stronger as a couple when we make big or small decisions and tackle situations.
- Trust & Accountability: I feel like this goes hand in hand with respect; respecting each other will create the roots for trust and accountability. We know we can depend on each other when needed; whether that means I attend Scott's soccer games or he at one of my blogger events, as well as emotional support by knowing we can vent to each other or share praises and accomplishments. Trust also grows from the next value, good communication.
- Good Communication: From day one, Scott and I have been extremely communicative with each other. It doesn't mean you have to give each other a play-by-play every minute of every day, but if you run into a roadblock, it means 'talking it out' and sharing your feelings and thoughts and not attacking each other or internalizing everything. Also, to communicate major or critical things with each other to avoid things slipping through the cracks.
- Nurturing & Positivity: Aside from the above points, I think that I am most smitten with how nurturing Scott is with me. It makes me feel safe and because I feel that way that I can grow as a person and we as a couple. We strive to be as positive and motivating as we can with each other, such as goal setting and troubleshooting things in our lives so that we can achieve everything that we want for ourselves. It's also essential to have some common interests so that you can explore those together. For us, it's traveling, being foodies or trying new things. Fundamentally, it's crucial to see eye to eye on beliefs such as faith/religion, lifestyle, kids or no kids.
- Attraction: You need to be attracted to your partner, it's that spark that you have between to you two (you're gonna need it years down the road if you plan on the relationship being a long term one). I think that I used to want this 'Ken-doll' type of guy (pretty much perfection), that is unrealistic. There are so many things that make me head over heels for Scott and to me, he is the hunkiest guy I know. And when he treats me 'right', it makes him even more attractive. Giving each other compliments doesn't hurt either, Scott will mention how he likes my outfit or how beautiful I look without makeup; little moments like that make me feel special and that it's coming from the heart (not just something that I want to hear).
This is in no means to dictate or say how anyone should behave or act, this is an account of my own experiences, and my opinion. Feel free to share what you're relationship values are, or what you look for in a relationship.
